Those Left Behind
by Ceestar
Summary: Hisagi and Kira have been sharing the same nightmare for weeks; will they both make it back from the Winter War? Shonen-ai. HisagixKira. Rated for violent images.


Cee: Wrote this a forever ago. Forgot to post it here. So here it is.

Hisagi Shuuhei x Kira Izuru

XXXXX

"Izuru!"

Hisagi bolted up right and looked around his dark room. It was as he had left it, there was no white sand, no Ichimaru Gin and definitely no bleeding to death 3rd Division Lieutenant.

The 9th Division Lieutenant drew his knees up to his chest and placed a hand on his sweating forehead. The cold night air swept into his lungs as Hisagi picked himself up to get a glass of water. The room was pitch black until he turned the kitchen light on and instinctively went for the tap.

It had been the same routine every night for almost a fortnight.

That dream had woken him up in a painful panic for nights in a row and it hadn't become any easier. Despite seeing the same visions every night, despite knowing they didn't dispatch for war for another month and despite visiting Kira every night before going to sleep and knowing he was safe; the dream still haunted Hisagi.

"_Shoot to kill, Shinsou!"_

"_Ki-"_

_Hisagi turned quickly but time held him captive as he watched the blade of Ichimaru Gin pierce into Kira's chest. Time went so slow that Hisagi had to watch the muscles on the blonde's face change one by one as the pain travelled through his body and as his organs all began shutting down on him. It was so slow Hisagi had to watch the blade literally pierce Kira's flesh once entering his body, and again as it shot out his back._

_But time went so fast Hisagi hadn't even taken a single step before Kira lay motionless on the ground and Ichimaru had disappeared. Time was so fast he hadn't blinked before he was his fallen friend's side, picking him up and grasping his shoulders desperately. Kira's blood was painted on the blank canvas of Huenco Mundo's white deserts, in swirling patterns that made Hisagi's head spin._

_The form lying in Hisagi's arms was pale, cold and absolutely lifeless. _

Hisagi took a deep breath and finished the remaining half of his water as his eyes snapped open after the images once again played in his mind. They were so clear, even minutes after he was fully awake. Why couldn't all his dreams with Kira in them remain this clear all the time?

The war was approaching, everyone knew that. It had been probably… three months since Tousen left, since Ichimaru left, since Kira and Hisagi spent almost every waking moment together if they could help it. And now it had been announced that they would soon be charging at Aizen with full force.

All of the Sereitei was scared, they were scared to face three defected Captains, that they had to fight, that could lose their loved ones.

Hisagi and Kira both knew how they were disadvantaged compared to the rest of the Soul Society. After all, they weren't afraid of fighting Tousen or Ichimaru. They were afraid of just facing them. What would they do? Would Hisagi convince the man he had respected so much what he was doing was wrong? Would Kira be able to raise a sword to the man that had saved his life and thus been loyal to for so many years?

Would they have the guts?

But what the two feared the most was for each other. Hisagi feared Ichimaru was a cold hearted monster that would murder Kira in cold blood as soon as he got the chance, because Kira was a toy Ichimaru had grown bored of. Kira feared Tousen would not accept anyone that stood in his path to "justice", and Hisagi questioning his own former Captain would be a death sentence.

It was a gentle knocking coming from the other room that stopped Hisagi from grasping his kitchen counter so tight that he'd break a good chunk off. He raised an eyebrow and looked at a near by clock, wondering who would be knocking on his door at three o clock in the morning.

"Sh-Shuuhei?" A soft, shaking voice called.

"Izuru?" Hisagi quickened his pace and opened the door to find Kira Izuru in his white kimono standing there, looking smaller than usual.

"Thank goodness!" The blonde whispered, throwing his arms around Hisagi's chest.

"H-Hey! What happened?" Hisagi said, patting the smaller man on the head.

A small shake of the head came from the blonde as he grasped tightly to Hisagi's kimono, his entire body was shaking violently and Hisagi could hear soft sobs.

"Zu, what's wrong?" Hisagi asked again in a softer voice.

Kira slowly lifted his head and his large blue eyes met Hisagi's, and he smiled.

"Nothing," he said weakily. "I just had a bad dream that's all."

The two of the shuffled over to the futon and messed up blanket that lay on the ground, and sat down on it. Hisagi wrapped his arms around Kira who dug himself deep into the other's chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hisagi asked after a minute of silence.

He had been asking that question a lot the last three months. Hisagi had been getting it a lot too. They were both so sick of it.

Kira shook his head but looked up into Hisagi's eyes. "I just… want to be here with you, that's all."

It was this sentence that triggered Hisagi to wrap his arms tightly around Kira, that caused Kira to grasp Hisagi's shirt with all his might, and the two just say there, holding each other for a moment.

"Yeah, me too."

That moment that they held each other, comforting each other, told them that they had been sharing the same dreams these last couple of weeks. It was true, a bloody image of Hisagi stabbed from every direction possible by Tousen's many blades was all that had haunted Kira for weeks.

A silence fell as the two Lieutenants shared body heat and took in each other's smell and very presence. It was comforting for them both to be able to hold each other and know the body in their arms was breathing, living.

"We'll see them again in just under a month won't we?" Kira muttered softly.

"Don't worry," Hisagi said. "I'd give my life to the heavens a thousand times over before I let them lay a hand on you."

Kira quickly lifted his head and shook it furiously. "No you can't! You have to promise you won't die!" His voice dropped. "I wouldn't be able to take it… if anything happened to you Shuu."

Hisagi smiled.

"Well the same goes for me, I'd never be able to live with myself if you died protecting me."

Kira nuzzled back into his lover's chest. "Then what do we do? It seems if either of us dies the other will still end up getting hurt anyway."

"We could just not die."

"But this is a war Shuuhei! Against our own Captains! I-I don't know what's going to happen and neither do you!"

"Hey now, didn't you just ask me to promise you I wouldn't die? How do I do that if you say I don't know what's going to happen?" Hisagi said with a small smile.

"I…" Kira spoke into Hisagi's chest. "I don't know."

After another moment's silence Kira spoke again.

"It's always harder… on the ones that are left behind isn't it?"

Hisagi watched the top of Kira's head move up and down with his chest as he breathed and his faced saddened when he thought about what Ichimaru had done to him over the years.

"Not necessarily," Hisagi said, Kira lifting his head to look at the older man. "I mean, say I died in the war and you didn't… how would you feel?"

"Shattered of course! I don't think I'd ever be able to live a normal life again!" Kira responded automatically, his eyes welling up with tears.

"Exactly." Hisagi said as he smiled at the blonde's confused expression. "You would be worse than when Aizen and them left, and I saw how broken you were after that. I know that if I died you would probably just be a broken shell of a man, and to think I was the cause of putting you through so much pain?" Hisagi shook his head. "I couldn't take it."

Kira's mind wandered off for a minute as he registered what his lover had just said. It was no secret how much they cared about each other, to the point they'd be lost if either one didn't come back from the war. Kira knew for a fact Hisagi would be in pain if he died, and no, he would never be able to forgive himself if he caused his lover that much pain.

"You're right." Kira smiled. He dug his head further into his lover's chest and sighed happily. "We'll just have to both come back alive."

"Yeah," Hisagi replied softly. "We'll both come back, and stay together forever. I promise."

"I promise."

XXX

Cee: I posted a sort of sequel like fic named "Traditional Calls"- it's not really a sequel, but it makes a small reference to this fic.


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